What's control got to do with it?!

This morning in the shower I felt overwhelmed.

The pellets of water cascaded over me and try as I might to list all the things I was thankful for: wonderful mother's day-with kids I love, new pepper seedlings sprouting, a rewarding job, a repaired vehicle..... my mind kept taking me back to the bills, the rush of trying to keep up, sibling rivalry, the future forseen and unseen.

I tried to lay claim to my rights as a child of the God who is mighty, my fortress, my refuge and strength. Finally I sighed in frustration and asked..'why Oh Lord, with thankfulness and laying claim to your word do I still feel overwhelmed...and well, miserable?'

An almost immediate response came to the depths of my inner being--'because you want to control it all.' It stopped me in mid-sudsing. "I do NOT want to control it all." I protested.
"I just want to do it right." After all, if I parented right, budgeted right, pulled the weeds in a timely manner, wrote daily, created better to do lists, was organized, stayed on top of things, my life would not be out of control!

At the near point of hyperventilating at the thought of all I was not doing 'right' in my life, I quickly rinsed off and stepped out of the shower to get some air. "I do not have time for this" I hissed to myself.

The minutes marched on and I quickly grabbed my stuff and headed to our room to prepare for the day ahead. I flipped on the tv and Joyce Meyer talked about children in Cambodia who had to scavage for food daily at the dump. I thought about children who were hungry here in our country, people who lost jobs and went without. I was also reminded of people who did work hard--very hard, but still couldn't make ends meet. After all vehicles break down, accidents happen, and relationships can crumble. Even Jesus said, "in this life you will have troubles." I was trying so hard to have no troubles that it was robbing me of my peace. "No, " I thought to myself. " I cannot control it all."

The tension in my body started to relax itself. With a few more deep breaths, I gave it up. I am no more in complete control of my own life than a tree is in control of what direction the wind blows its leaves. I can only do what I can do and relinquish the rest to God.

Edward Everett Hale said:
I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something.
And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.

My prayer for today: Lord help me to realize that I cannot control it all. Help me to do what I can and leave the leftover 'stuff' to you. Amen.