Broken

Sometimes I delve into the closet called guilt and rummage around.
I pull out the mistakes I've made...the slow steady choices which at times seemed the only way to go. Now I weep at the culminated guilt which seems to me to spell out --RUINS--like the leftovers of a civilization gone wrong. (As dramatic as it sounds) I turn to you Lord, and ask, "how can I reconcile it?" "How can I replace it and make it all turn out well?"

I turn on the faucet labeled 'resolve' I do this in order to 'fix', 'make up for' and 'cleanse' my sin. Yet all that chokes out are particles of rust, soot and dirt. I know, Lord, that only you can turn the main valve which will pour out the cleansing water. I sit here at the spigot and wait. I wait for your living water to show me the channel to take. I want to climb aboard your boat and have you say to the storm--"Be Still."

The one thing I know that comes from my pain is the compassion and understanding of how this world and circumstances can lead to paths one would never think to take. It helps me to realize that things aren't always as simple as they seem. There is no cut and dried. "Follow this way" and the sum of your experiences will add to this equation.

The only thing that is true is you at the center of the cross. You are the central source for all we want and need. Yet, somehow we become distracted and get off course.

But let me clarify--I do not believe that in following you there is perfection in life or that there will be the 'Midas' touch but rather in our brokenness--and we all have it in some form or another--you are the safe port in which we can rest. For it is in our pain we see our short comings. In our imperfections we need you all the more. In our sorrow we cling to the hope and eventually we learn to sight the manifestations of your grace on a daily basis.

It seems, though, that sometimes on this earth it takes the sorrow to remind us to look heavenward and have greater compassion for the brokenness not only in others but in ourselves as well .