Fill in the blank...Go ahead, I DARE you!

Be truthful...we've all said " I am not _______(strong, talented, young, old or good) enough." at one time or another.

David did not think he was strong or big enough.
Moses did not think he was leader enough.
Sarah and Abraham did not think they were young enough.
Mary Magdalene did not think she was good enough.

But we learn along the way, that when God is involved we are enough. In my own life I was born with a syndrome called Treacher Collins, and for much of my life, I would wonder if I was enough. With treacher collins syndrome, I was born with hearing loss and a cleft palate. A hearing aid corrected my hearing to an extent, and surgery closed up my palate. However, my facial depressions--especially around the cheek bone area remain. So, I don't look or talk like your average person. Some people notice more than others.

I've carried on and God has given me a wonderful life. But doubt does sometimes creep in.
I love to sing, and I have been told I have a nice voice. Yet, when I was in the 6th grade and a new member of a choral group named the 'songsters', a friend and I were on the playground. We were speaking to a boy in our class and telling him that we had both made it into the music group. The boy seemed shocked and said to me, "Sing..?! You can't even talk." This filled me with some self-doubt. It made me wonder how others perceived me. It made me wonder if I would be enough to pursue my love of song and performing for others.

As time goes on, I see God opening the doors to share my story. It involves getting up in front of others and trusting that with God at my side, I am enough.

I especially love to sing the chorus of two songs: "Here I Am Lord" and "On Eagles Wings"
When you put them together,

Here I am Lord. Is it I Lord? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go Lord if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart.

And he will raise you up on eagle's wings, Bare you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of his hand.

it is a complete equation. 1. You step forward and give yourself to God. 2. He comes forth and raises you up on wings like eagles.

So, regardless of what you think, regardless of what you've been told, with God at your side, you are _________(fill in the blank) enough.

Even Moses was not indispensable.

About a week ago while out shopping for bins to store Christmas decorations,I was talking with my daughter about how I liked storage containers and organzing. She took a double take to see if she heard right, and then questioned me with a surprised-"You organized?" It took me back a bit. Believe it or not, I was once considered organized. Yet as I thought about my daughter's reaction, I couldn't exactly blame her. My current life flies at me so quickly, I, in no stretch of the imagination, would come across as organized.

At first I felt slightly wounded. What happened to that person I knew as organized? Upon deeper reflection, I began to realize that there were a few traits that I once counted as concrete in the foundation of who I was..that no longer stood. As I reflected further, it brought to mind the older adults that I work with and the fact, that they too have probably lost out on some of their traits that they found to be tried and true. Perhaps Mary had the best memory this side of every elephant in the zoo. Then one day a friend noted that she hasn't been remembering all the birthdays she once did. In fact, she may have forgotten a few altogether in the past year. Belinda has always been known for her singing voice, and now that her empheseyma has taken over, her voice doesn't hold the same melodic fervor it once did. Oscar could hit any ball out of the park. Now he sits on the sidelines and coaches his grandson on the fundamentals of baseball.

Its not easy, but all of us at one point in our lives need to relinquish the roles that God has assigned and move onto other roles. We need to remember that we are not the roles we play. Underneath it all, we are God's creation and destined to be where we are at each point along the road. St. Therese of Leisiux learned through her time as a cloistered nun and through her eventual illness..'as I become less and less, He comes to be more.'

Now more than a week after these musings, I opened my Bible up to the first chapter of Joshua and began reading: "After the death of Moses, the servant of the Lord, the Lord said the Joshua son of Nun, Moses'aide 'Moses my servant is dead. Now then you and all these people get ready to cross the Jordan river into the land I am about to give to them--the Israelites.'

It struck me...like a 'I could've had a V8 commercial'. We all have our roles to play, but time marches on, and God will use anyone to set his people free. It's humbling. It's not about me after all.

In this world, we all want to hold onto the adjectives and labels which make us important and worthwhile in society. It may be, best salesperson, great public speaker, writer, quickwitted, best chef, decorator etc... But when we hold onto these labels as our main identity, we put ourselves at risk at holding our own selves and talents up for idolatry. We soon become fearful of losing the talents that God gave us to share and to use "for such a time as this."

A dream, a new bike and his word

Psalm 119: 105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

Just before waking this morning I had a dream in which I was trying to pedal my bike. The bike looked fine, and didn't seem in disrepair, but I could not get the bike pedal to move forward no matter how hard I tried. Eventually my companion and I decided that it might be time for a new bike. This old one just wasn't working. I felt resistance to getting a new bike. I liked this old bike and other than the pedal not moving forward--it was just fine.

Eventually my sister Marguerite came over and had told me that she found some new bikes for us. She did not bring the bikes in for the visit, but she had in her hand warranties and manuals for us to read. That was about as far as the dream took me. When I awoke, the verse from Psalm 119 came to my mind. "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

My interpretation is that --if the "bike" I have will not pedal anymore, I need to find a new vehicle or I will not move forward. My "pedal" is stuck. The manual and warranties that I need to possess are all in my Bible.

As confirmation, this mornings devotional from Streaming Faith Devotionals spoke about how we need to get into God's word and claim his promises to move forward in our lives.

What about you...is your 'pedal' stuck? Get into God's word and move forward!

The Ageless Soul

Psalm 62:1 My soul finds rest in God alone.

Recently as I stood in line behind a woman in the grocery store. I noted how shopping for one was markedly different than shopping for seven. I also noted that this woman was most likely in her 80s. She stood tall and straight, but I couldn't help but notice some of the affects of aging in her wrinkles, jowels, and slow actions. My mind quickly assessed that she was once young. I tried to picture a younger version of this now older woman. As I waited my turn, I mused over the fact that she was once a baby and that the same soul which resided in that infant body, is still the same soul which resides in this elderly body today. With faith in an everlasting life in Christ...this same soul will live out eternity with God. I find this mind boggling.

Turn this over in your brain and read Psalm 139--especially verses 13-18. It makes you realize that your soul is infinitely connected to your creator. Wow!

Snapshots

Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukah, the holidays abound. Frenzy mounts with each passing day as the clock ticks away the precious moments left to complete the many tasks I have preordained for myself. There are gifts to buy and to wrap, There are the many traditions I have yet to start, like creating a “pass it forward” chain of kindness from one neighbor to the next, the hope of homemade gifts, and carols around a piano that we do not yet own.

My mind swirls with excitement at the advent of each new Christmas season. “Oh, the things we will do….!” Inevitably, my intentions are squeezed out among the throngs of shoppers at the nearby shopping mall. I drop them one by one and hope to hang onto the precious morsels which convey the true meaning and value of my life--like watching my children in the annual Christmas Pageant at church, seeing my children hug their grandparents, or coming upon a child behind a closed door trying to wrap a homemade gift for one of her siblings.I am not there yet, but I am trying hard to accept my life for what it is. I am trying to accept my life for what I can accomplish within the parameters of my reality. Frequently, I am guided by the many pictures painted in the Ladies Home Journal, Family Circle, or other well meaning publications which focus on creating the best that life has to offer.

Within the kinetic energy of raising five children, I am learning to grab the moments when I can and frame them like cherished photographs in my memory. This past week after supper, I was so tired that I climbed into the recliner, pushed back, snuggled into a faux fur throw and fell asleep for a few moments under the glimmer of Christmas lights. I awoke to find myself alone with the others at the back of the house, so I took time to leaf through some Christmas memory books. The memories, and gratitude for my family glowed under the lights of the tree. I felt warm and knew that as simple as it was, this was going to become a snapshot memory in my mind. Another “snapshot” will be of Wyatt walking with a spruce branch flung over his back after an afternoon of tree hunting and chopping. His Santa hat was atop his head with his name facing back instead of forward. From behind , it was the perfect picture memory.

Unfortunately, we were just out of film. Instead I will commit this print to my memory. A simple thought, perhaps. But for me it frames perfectly, the afternoon I shared with my family.What are some of the snapshots you will commit to memory long after this holiday season is over? They need not be momentous events. Look for the simple joys, frame the memory, and 'click'. Your memory will last a lifetime.

Making a Life

It is said that we make a life not by what we get, but rather by what we give. This past weekend, I participated in the celebration of the life of my cousin, Mary. By definition she lived a palmarian life. (palmary is defined as outstanding or best.) Separated- it is pal and mary. In so many ways Mary was a pal to me who gave the gift of fun, laughter and joyful abandon.

Over the weekend, I had many opportunities to reflect on her life and it's relation to the lives we all live. In making a life it is good to be focused on where you are and what you are good at. I tend to flit from one opportunity to another. You've heard the phrase-'jack of all trades and master of none.' People who have focused like Mother Theresa or Billy Graham have indeed accomplished great things. Mary was good at being where she was in the moment. Even though she spent the last few years in a nursing home, she was totally present to the staff and other residents. So much so that they all benefited from her caring and compassionate personality. She didn't wish to be somewhere else, or nag or complain. She made life better for others.

While you are making a life you will be interrupted. And sometimes, it is these interruptions that make the best life experiences. Mary's life was interrupted when she needed to go to a nursing home, and yet...it became her life's work. She touched so many lives. Truly she bore fruit of the spirit. My life was interrupted when she passed on, and yet...being with family and celebrating her life will be a very meaningful memory--sad as it is.

Each life is individual. There is no other life like it. Recently I saw a sign which said, "Be Yourself....everyone else is taken." So often we look to others and the qualities we admire and think that we could have a better life if we too had those qualities. Mary was an outgoing, social person who had a way of making everyone feel special. As I perused her scrapbook, I could see that she was not a scholar, but she was a people person. Her dance card was full! I must admit as I looked at all her pictures, the joy she spread and her ease at being with others...I made such statements to myself like..."I want to be more like Mary." Yet, I realize...no one will be like Mary, but Mary. I am priviledged to love her.

Finally- it is important to live life with gratitude and be connected with our creator. I am thankful for my wonderful family who taught me the value of sharing, being there for one another, laughter and play and most importantly unconditional love.

I look to my creator and thank him for the opportunity to live such a beautifully connected life.

I especially thank him for my family and the chance through family to be a part of Mary's life.

It is full....very full.

Take this job...and honor it.

" Blessed are those whose strength is in you ,who have set their hearts on pilgrimage."

Psalm 84 1(NIV)

It had been a long week. It had been a stressful week which left me feeling that there were not enough hours in a day--not enough hours in a lifetime to manage all I felt called to do.

The alarm went off Friday morning. I shuddered as I was overwhelmed and my feet had not even touched the floor. Groggily I made my way as I followed the footprints etched in our wooden floors. First stop, bathroom, second stop, 4 scoops coffee grounds 1 pot of water- , and third stop, the computer. Everything clicked along as usual. No life shattering emails, and surprisingly my morning devotional had not yet arrived. So, I decided to check up on my blog. No comments.

Absentmindedly, I clicked the button at the top of the blog which said,-Next Blog- . To my amazement--there in black and white, it said,." "Don't complain about your job" Following this statement were an assortment of photos which showed people carrying out jobs that were less than desireable such as wading in sewage water, carrying toilets on backs, or sticking heads down overflowing sewage holes. The kicker was that the rest of the blog was in another language-that I don't know. Check it out! God has a sense of humor !http://www.oosthuysenattorneys.blogspot.com/ Then in the righthand column was the scripture Psalm 84:5-7 -also written in English.

As I meditated on this verse, it gave me pause. Have I truly set my heart upon the pilgrimage that God has set before me? Or am I more caught up in my own hidden agenda? As I pass through the valley, do I make it a place of springs(light and refuge for others)? Or do I weigh others down with my complaints and grumblings? Do I truly rely on God to provide my strength one step at a time until the day comes when I stand before him? Or do I belabor the thoughts of " I can't do all this...."?

Later that morning while helping residents to lunch after their church service, MaryAnn held a song sheet in her hand. "This little light of mine..I'm gonna let it shine..." The elevator doors closed and we sang..."this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...."

The day ended, I got as much done as I could--with God's help, and I let my light shine.

Blessings to you on the pilgrimage God has set before you.