I am writing in the wee hours of the morning to break the spell of not writing. It's not that I haven't thought of writing and actually have some well penned articles in my head. There's the one about playing scrabble and my vexed ego, the one I want to tribute to my father--"Memories of my father"--while he still lives, and the other about becoming like a child in order to enter the kingdom of God.
Somehow my overriding need for "doing it right" is winning over the "just get 'er done". Well enough is enough. I am writing for better or for worse. It may not flow. Hey, it just might be 'all over the map', and abounding with one cliche after another. Yet, there is a part of me that just needs to fill space. Whatever happened to I am loved by God just because. " I am fearfully wonderfully made"?(Psalm 139 13:14)
My inner life is fraught with all I should be doing, should have done, and should plan to do.
Whatever happened to 'be still and know that I am God"?(Psalm 46:10)
Two memories come to mind:
1. I was on a bus, rushing to meet my next connection on the way to work. My mind was moving faster than my body as my stress level mounted with each item I remembered on my list of things to do. Suddenly--out of nowhere, in my mind's eye I saw Jesus standing in a doorway and he said, "What's the rush? I'll still be here." It took me back for a second and opened my eyes to the fact that my rushing and stressing was not going to make one iota of a difference. Jesus is always there for me.
2. One day as I was clearing the altar at work after a church service for our residents, I received a strong feeling and voice of God in my heart tell me that " I will provide 'everything' you need." I did not get the sense that it was all about material items. He literally meant 'everything'--courage, time, resources etc...to do what he called me to do.
So now, I will end this-abrupt as it is. For I will always have Jesus, and God will provide 'everything' that I need--and for you too. : )
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